Understanding the Unsaid

Why is that you have to find words to make someone understand yourself?  Why do you have to tell your loved ones what you feel and most importantly WHY you feel something. What’s the point of having some people closer to you when you have to seek refuge in words in order to justify yourself? Staying silent, yet saying everything – how beautiful is that. Could we just have a day when we don’t talk and see what others make out of our emotions.

5 Reasons Why You Should Learn to Say NO!

The way we all have grown up, we were never taught to say ‘no’ to anybody. We have been told that saying No is rude and you don’t want to be rude *sigh*. While writing this I’m thinking of all the times when I had to choose an easy Yes over a difficult No. I can still recall the number of times I have over-committed myself just to find myself in utter misery at the end. Do you also struggle to say no or is it just me?

If someone asks you for a favor, and you feel obligated to say yes. Do you know what happens inside the little head of yours?Your mind keeps shouting NO! NO! NO! NO! while you can literally feel the banging inside your head. There is this battle going on between your egocentric-self and the baggage of morals that you’ve been carrying since long. Amidst this fight the morals are also backed by the strong army of fear and insecurities that the other person might think you’re rude and rejection will be your fate. And while all this is going on, your morals and fears always overpower and you blurt out ‘yes’. The tongue sides with the morals. The mind and the tongue part their ways,and you can hear your mind’s dismal.

“Half of the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough.”

Josh Billings

Is saying No worth it?

It is totally worth it. For how many more times you’re going to kill your inner self? It is needed that you realize the importance of saying no. Here’s why you should say No!

1. Strengthens your personality

Always saying yes to everything that comes your way, makes you look like a person who is vulnerable. Learn to demarcate your boundaries and convey your limitations. Let people know what YOU want. Saying No makes you look like a mature person who can rationally take decisions. It gives out the clarity about what is that you’re not comfortable with. People will only respect your comfort zone when you respect it first.

2. More Respect your way

Once you learn to say No, you’ll respect yourself more and so will others. They might not like you as much, but if they were trying to step over your boundaries earlier, they probably didn’t like you much anyway – not really. At least you’ll have their respect when you show them your clear, no-discussion limits.

3. Healthy Relationships

 Saying no to spending time with uninspiring, critical, or negative people who drag you down with themselves. Life is a one time opportunity — choose a small circle of people who will energize you and challenge you to be better.

4. Makes room for the things you are passionate about

Saying no to things you aren’t passionate about means leaving room for saying yes to things you really like or want to participate in. You got 24 hours in your hand, and sacrificing your time just because you could not say No, is silly. In the long run it will empower you to take control of your time and ultimately the course of your life.

5. Allows you to be honest

Be honest about your feelings. Suppressing them will bring you no good. If you do not want to go to a party, you can politely say you have other commitments or you don’t feel like going. Do not feel guilty about it because it is you who has to make choices for yourself. Treat yourself like you want to be treated.

“Let today mark a new beginning for you. Give yourself permission to say NO without feeling guilty, mean or selfish. Anybody who gets upset and/or expects you to say YES all the time clearly doesn’t have your best interest at heart. Always remember: You have a right to say NO without having to explain yourself. Be at peace with your decisions.” 

Stephanie Lahart

Hard Time Letting Go of the Things?

Do you have hard time letting go of the things? Do you find it difficult to throw away your six year old cell phone cover, even though you don’t own that cell phone now? Do you have a drawer that is filled with clutter? Do you have alot of ‘useless’ things piled up somewhere in your room and you just can’t seem to get rid of them? If your answer to these questions is yes, you might be suffering from mild obsessive clutter disorder.

There could be three explanations to this behavior. Firstly, somewhere in your mind you still think you can put a particular thing to use. Just because you used it once;years ago, you have this insecurity at the back of your mind- what if I need it again? What if I throw it away and then regret?

Secondly, you hold on to things because they remind you of a person, an experience, some place, an event or even emotions and the way you used to feel. It could be a chocolate that your father gave you when you were 12,and you still have the wrapper because this is no ordinary piece of wrapper for you. You might not be able to throw away an old television because that is how you and your mom used to spend time together. Attaching sentiments and experiences to things is the reason most people find it difficult to declutter.

Thirdly, there are people who fear rejection. People who know how it feels to be left out,and how terrible it feels to be thrown away. These people are highly sensitive and they tend to feel guilty when they declutter. They cannot just accept the fact that they used something for once and now when they do not need it they will get rid of it. These people are more likely to get into unhealthy relationships and carry the baggage of their clutter with themselves.

In short, cluttering is something that most people do. It itself is not a problem but highlights underlying insecurities, guilt, sensitivities and psyches. How to overcome it is a whole new debate. Saving it for another time because there’s still alot left to figure out.

Self Acceptance – A Key to Self Esteem

Self esteem is being aware of your worth and value. It’s being able to realize that you deserve to be treated in a certain manner. It would not be wrong saying that self esteem is acknowledging your positive traits.But how do you boost your self esteem? Why some people have it more while others do not? Is it because some people are born good or bad?

Most of us find it hard to even realize their mistakes let alone accept them. The key to a higher self esteem lies in the acceptance. Acceptance of who you are. Not just the traits that you think are positive; but, being able to embrace your faults and weaknesses as well. When you will accept the fact that you are selfish, or you hurt someone, or you cheated somebody, or you lie because you think it’s okay to lie, or you are too weak to express yourself, or you are not confident; then and only then will you be able to put your arms around the parts of your personality you didn’t know existed. Then and only then will you be able to accept the whole of you.

The idea of self esteem is not objective. It is not tangible. It is not rigid. The beauty of it lies in its very nature. It’s a manifestation of your mind and a reflection of you about yourself in your own mind. As soon as you start accepting yourself the way you are, there is nothing that can stop you from getting to the heights of self esteem.

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